Monday, February 25, 2013

Awkward

Last night was a slow night.  It was raining and there weren't many people enjoying a night out in downtown Portsmouth.  Due to life's circumstances I was forced to start later than I normally would.  All the makings of a non profitable night. 

As predicted it was rather slow for most of the night.  At about 11:45 PM  things started to change.  People started leaving the bars and to my surprise the were really friendly.  Fast forward to about 1:00 AM I picked up a group of party people in Market Square.  They load up and I get a loud, outgoing young lady sitting in the front with me.

After establishing where they are going we get moving.  After the standard pleasantries the young lady starts getting friendly with me and asks lots of questions about what its like to drive a cab.  I intentionally kept all the answers basic.  Then she asked in a giggly voice "Do you like giving rides?"

I'm no fool, I know where this is going.  In my almost two years of driving I've been hit on, flirted with, invited to spend the night, insulted, shoved and all other sorts of other things I cant think of at the moment.  I think back to the neighborhood I grew up in and my four year stint in the Navy and I realize that there isn't much that's going to shock or embarrass me.  So I answer in the way any wise guy worth his salt would answer  "Yep, I sure do."

"HAHA, I bet you do!"  She yelled.

"Do you like giving me a ride." She snickered.

"Highlight of my night."  I snap back.

She was quiet for a few seconds then she asked "Can I rub you nipples?"

In all my life I don't think I've ever been asked if someone could rub my nipples.  Especially a stranger.

Being put on the spot I figured the best thing to do is to call her bluff so I answered "Only if I could rub yours first."

For the rest of the ride she didn't say another word.  Seemed like forever but I think only another minute passed and we at her residence.  I figured the conversation was over, I would get paid and would be on our way.  Someone in the back of the cab paid the fair with a generous tip.  The folks in the back of the van file out and Queenie in the front seat is still there fishing in her purse.  After a couple seconds  she hands me a couple more dollars.  I look down putting all the cash in my bag and suddenly out of nowhere pulls down the front of her blouse and is exposing her chest and all its glory.

Needless to say I was shocked!  Like I said previously I'm not shocked easily but now she had my full undivided attention.  She says "Well are you going to rub my nipples."

I must have sounded like a fool but with my fear of going to prison all I could ask was "You're not going the cops on me will ya."

"No, of course not."

With that I did just like any awkward teenager would do and reached out with my right had and gave the one on the left a gentle squeeze.  I pulled my arm back stuck out my chest and said "your turn."

She gave my chest a rub, said "thanks", put her blouse back on properly, got out the cab. and disappeared into her home.  At that point I felt a bit dumbfounded with disbelief about what just went down.  Part of me does feels guilty because after all I am a married man.  I think sometimes I should just let people say things with out the need of calling their bluff.  That's life I guess.


Monday, January 21, 2013

Hey Buddy Check This Out

I know its been a while since my last post.  What could I say except that I really haven't been really motivated to update this thing.   A couple weeks ago my brother in law and an old Navy buddy asked me if I was ever going to write any new stories.  So to catch you up on what's going on I only drive the cab once a week on Saturday night.  Saturday is the money night and it is also the most interesting.  I have several new stories but tonight I will give you just one but there will be more soon.  I Promise!

A few weeks ago I got dispatched out to  Eliot, Maine to pick up a group and bring them back to downtown Portsmouth.  Eliot is a small, rural community just over the state line.  As I pull up I see a group of people surrounding a camp fire and not in much of a hurry to leave.  After a couple waves and being told we are on our way they finally get in.  It was three couples who all appeared to be in their mid-thirties.

After the normal pleasantries are exchanged and location of drop off is established we are on our way.  Initially the ride is pretty standard.  You know, talk about the weather and lame jokes.  After a short silence  the guy in the passenger seat leans over to  me and whispers "Hey buddy check this out."  as he is holding up his smart phone.

I look over and its a picture of a naked ample chest of an attractive woman,  "Wow, that nice." I said in an agreeing tone.

"You like that, its her." he snickered while pointing to the lady who was sitting directly behind me.

"You Son of a Bitch!" she yelled while punching him on the shoulder.

" I thought you were proud of your new tits." He yelped.

In a jokingly voice she agreed, "yea I am."

Then tapping my shoulder she asked  "so do you like them to?"

"Yes I do, as a matter of fact that was the best rack I've seen all night." I replied.

"Good answer."  she said as we were pulling up to their destination.

As they filled out I received a 100% tip for my services and a nice little story for this blog.  I hope you enjoyed reading this and more will follow in the near future.