My Nemesis

Ive been driving a cab on a part basis going on six months now.  There are approximately five cab companies in town.  For the most part we are are cordial to each other.  We tend to stay out of each others way.  We also do our best not to steal each others fares.  There seems to be a bit of mutual respect for each other.

There is one cabbie in town who works for Anchor taxi who is different from the rest.  He is an ornery little bastard and I think he reminds of that king on the old Bugs Bunny cartoons who always yelled " Wheres my Hossenfeffer"!

There is this particular taxi stand on Market street in front of Fat Bellies Bar and Grill that he seems to think is his.  He often parks there and goes inside of Fat Bellies for what seems to be hours.  I personally don't care what he does but on the rare occasion I park in that spot he drives by real slow giving me the stink eye.   I usually just laugh it off and not worry about it.  After all Ive had better people not like me.

This past Sunday afternoon I was parked in that popular stand listening to the scores of the first games of the NFL games played and waiting for the blues radio show to start on WUNH.  I look up and guess who is standing at my window.  You guessed it, that dork from Anchor Taxi.

"Nice parking job"  he says pointing out that I'm a couple feet off the curb.

"That's so I could get out of here easily because some people want and enjoy my services" I reply.

He grunts and scurries away to the confines of Fat Bellies Bar and Grill.

Within a couple minutes he saunters out of the restaurant.  He has in his hand these little maps that the city likes people in the service industry to give out to tourist to help them get around the town of Portsmouth.  To me it looks like comic book art , but it is helpful to those who aren't familiar to the city.  I notice he is walking towards me and I could see in his face he was going to say something to me so I went on the offensive.

"Hey man, what are you doing with those maps?"  I asked.

He didn't answer so I answered for him and said teasingly "are you going to use those to help you find your way around town!"

He turned red and I could visibly tell he was offended by that comment.  He mumbled something I couldn't understand then he looked at me and stammered " I could drive around this town backwards faster than you could go forward."

"Touche, wanna try bucko!"  I shouted back.

By this time he is walking back across the street to his cab.  I was feeling pretty good because often if you piss someone off and then don't like you and they will not talk to you at all.  Well that was what I was trying to achieve. 

My 2-way radio rung and it was dispatch giving me a run.  I was putting the car in drive and suddenly I see King Hossenfeffer standing on the curb looking at me.  I yelled at him, "I have a run and I will be right back in a few minutes to claim your parking spot."

" No you wont" he responded, " I will park my cab there and I will go inside and watch the Patriots."

I drove away without saying anything.   I took care of my fare and drove back to that hot spot.  And sure enough his cab was there and he wasn't around.  Right then I realized that I found my Nemesis in the cabbing world.  He doesn't know it yet but I will make it my mission to make his days a little more uncomfortable.  I wont break the law and I wont do anything to hurt him but there will be some practical jokes coming his way.

I will always make it a point to park in that spot whenever possible.  Also, if I see him in that spot I will use my personal cell phone to call him and ask him to go get me somewhere acrosss town going back downtown.  Once he leaves I will take that spot then call to cancel the ride.

I'm open to suggestions so please if you have any ideas of what I could do in order to have some fun with this ass clown please let me know.  I will use my blog to keep you posted on any progress I make in ruining this guys day!

Jamie And Christine

I know it been a while since I posted on my blog.  My schedule changed at my real job and I'm not able to drive the cab as often as I used to.  Last night a fellow driver needed the night off and I was asked to fill in for him.  It was a regular get em in and get em out night with the exception of one interesting fare.

I was flagged down by a nice couple in market square and they wanted to go to the Holmwoods suites.  As we are taking off the The gentleman asked me if I have ever had any interesting things happen in my cab.  So I did some shameless promoting and told him about my blog.  He then went on to brag about how he banged his lady twice that day.  I just figured it was the alcohol talking so I just laughed along.

He then asked, "ever have anyone get it on in your cab."

"Not yet," I replied.

Out of now where the lady chimed in " Hey honey, wanna be the first."

"If you're gonna fuck in my cab its gonna cost you another fifty bucks"  I bellowed out in a half jokingly voice.  But I was serious.

"No problem.  Hey honey lets do it" 

"No babe, I'm tired" 

"I cant believe you chickening out" I said teasing that dude.  After all that bragging he did nothing.

About that time I was at their hotel.  As they were getting out the dude asked if I would mention them in my blog which I agreed.  I got their names and they were on their way.

Well this is for you  Jamie and Christine.  If you are reading this, it was fun having you in my cab and I wish both of you the best!

Ahh...Ryan

Got dispatched out to Philbrick's Fresh Market with the party going to K-mart.  I pull up and I see an a blue haired old lad with her arm in a sling and a scrawny guy with short cropped hair on his head and back hair sticking out the back of his ratty Old Navy T-shirt.

They start walking towards the cab and the ol' blue hair says in the most god awful, nagging, whinny  voice with an old New England accent, "Ahh... Ryan, can you open the door for me!"

"Ahh...Ryan can you help me in the cah!"

"Ahh...Ryan can you close the door!"

Now they are in my cab.  With that nagging whining voice she says to me, " take me to K-mart!"

I have only been around her for a minute and every time she says something I feel a little gag reflex in the back of my throat.

We get to rolling and she sets in on poor Ryan.   "Ahh...Ryan I'm going to need your help in K-mart!"

"Hmmph."  Ryan moans

"Ahh...Ryan you're gonna have to help me put the stuff on the registah!"

"Hmmph."

"Ahh...Ryan,  you're gonna have to put the bags back in the caht!"

"Hmmph."

I noticed the pattern here as I look in the rear view mirror.  I notice that poor ol Ryan has a look of disgust on his face.  I believe he was giving serious thought to jumping face first out of the cab to unforgiving pavement.  Right about then I pull up to K-mart.  They get out and i could see her nagging that poor ol' Ryan all the way into the store. 

A couple hours pass and several fares later I get dispatched to K-mart.  I knew it was for the old blue hair and poor ol' Ryan.

I pull up and I hear that familiar nagging voice, "Ahh...Ryan, put the stuff in the trunk!"

"Ahh...Ryan, help me in the cah!"

"Ahh...Ryan, close the door!"

"Ahh...Ryan, tomorrow you have to go pick up my presciptions at 9 o'clock!"

"Hmmph"

"Ahh...Ryan you go to church tomorrow, right?!"

"Hmmph...Yea"

"Ahh...Ryan, then after church go pick it up!"

I again look in the rear view mirror and poor ol Ryan is looking even more pathetic than before.  All I could think was that I understand wanting  to help out your mother.  But, at some point one has to stop being a door mat and grow a backbone and tell this bitch to shut the fuck up.

Just when I was giving serious thought to jumping face first out of the cab to the unforgiving pavement, we pull up to that old nags apartment.

"Ahh ...Ryan....."  I heard as I tuned her voice out.  I just couldn't wait to get them out.  Its been almost a week ago that I met her and I still cant get her wretched voice out of my head!

Ooooh....that smell

When I thought about blogging about my cabbing experiences I told myself that I wouldn't use this as a forum to make fun of those who are less fortunate than I am.   I have had some fares with some people really down on their luck.  Sometimes while they are in my cab I find them annoying then later after I think about it for a while I find myself feeling sorry for them  I wish I could do more for them but I know I'm in no position for that.

It was a Friday morning and I was filling in because we were short a cab driver.  I was the only cab from our company on the road and I had the dispatcher phone.  I usually work nights and quickly learned that I prefer the graveyard shifts.  Starting at about 9 A.M. I had a series of fairs involving an elderly couple.  The wife was in a wheelchair and the husband appeared to be in the early stages of some form of dementia.  Started out with a call from the Fair Field Inn Hotel.  I was told that they had a couple that wanted to go to the Sprint store and that the lady was handicapped and needed a car because it was easier for her to get into.  Luckily I was in a car and I proceed to go there.  I pulled up and out they come.  I get out, open the front and back passengers door and wait for them to get to the car.  I get next to the woman in the wheelchair and I smell the stench of hot piss mixed with body funk.  It was so bad that not only was my nose burning but my throat seemed like it was going to close on me too.

I get them in the car and we are on our way.  The lady says to me that she will be about 15 minutes and that she will need a ride back.  I had another run waiting for me so I told her that after that fare I will come back to get them.  She agreed and all is well.  After she got out all I could smell is that funk.  I really dreaded going back for them but I did it anyways.  I got them back to their hotel without incident.

A couple hours pass and I think I don't smell her anymore, The phone rings.  Its a social worker calls me from the hospital and asked if I could pick up an elderly couple at 1:30 with the wife being in a wheelchair, and take them to the Rockingham County Courthouse in Brentwood.  Holy shit, I know who that is!  The social worker tells me that they are going to pay for it.  I just happen to be passing the hospital so she agrees to meet me by the main entrance to give me a voucher to pay for their ride.  while there I tell her that I know them because earlier I gave them a ride to the Sprint store.  Then I'm off again.

A few minute pass then the social worker calls to tell me that they decided not to pay their fare because she thought they were broke.  And if they could afford a cell phone then they could afford a cab ride.  I explained to her that when I go to get them if they are broke I'm going to leave their asses at the hotel.  She said fine. 

Suddenly I'm thinking to myself, How the hell do I get myself in these situations.  Then I remind the heavenly father that I'm sorry for all the bad things Ive done in my life.  About that time it occurred  to me that they probably don't have money so I wont have to worry about it.  The smile on my face was interrupted by the phone ringing again.  It was a lawyer telling me to go pick them up and that he will pay cash for it.  Dammit!!  Now I'm thinking about how will I prevent myself from smelling her and how will I get that smell out of the car.

At 1:30 sharp I'm at the hotel.  That woman is smelling as ripe as ever.  I could hardly stand it.  I thought I was going to puke.  I drive the 30 minutes and I get them to the court house in time and the Lawyer  gave me a 40% tip on the fare  That was my last fare of the day but I was frustrated that I could smell her and I knew I was going to have to get the seat she was in cleaned.

Fast forward to Saturday morning.  I get online and Im reading the local newspaper online.  The cover story is about a police officer who responded to a minor car accident and found an elderly couple who lives in their car with squaler conditions.  He offered to get them help.  They refused so he arrested the woman because she was the one who was more coherant,  if you will.  At the top of the article there was a picture of the couple.  Can you guess who it was?   You guessed it!   The couple who was in my cab.  Suddenly I go from being frustrated with them to feeling sorry for them.  I wish I wasnt such a softy.

Random Rambling

In my travels around the great city of Portsmouth I see many things.  I see things that amuse me, annoy me, enlighten me, and humbles me.  Sometimes I fell like a voyeur of the world.  People watching is definantly one of my favorite pass times.

When the cabbing is slow I like to sit in Market Square and take mental snap shots of the diversity of people who inhabit the area.  There are the uptight business people in suits in a hurry to get somewhere.  Outside of the South Church there are always the same young, misguided youth hanging around looking for their next misadventures.  Sitting at the chairs outside of Breaking New Ground ( a coffee shop)  there is always a mix of young locals who live in the downtown area, tourist from who knows where and several rough neck motorcycle types.  Then every once in a while, if I get lucky, I see that dude who rides his bike with a goggle wearing parrot on his shoulder.

Once I get rolling and I'm cruising around town looking for my next fare or trying to get my customer to where they want to go, I deal with a some of my pet peeves that I try to cope with on a daily basis.

I'm not trying to alienate any of my readers who may be guilty of my pet peeves.  So please don't be offended.  After all, often the people who annoys us the most are the people we love!

Whats the deal with smokers?  I know that the majority of my friends and family are smokers, so please let me know what you think.  I find a lot of them inconsiderate of others around them.  They often try to light up  in my cab, then get mad when I tell them to wait till I drop them off.  I also don't understand why they so uncaringly fling their butts out the window.  I think its rude and disgusting.

So whats the deal with bikers dressing like they are going to win the Tour De France.  Dont they realize the look like 5 pounds of shit in a 1 pound bag.  Not to mention I really dont like the look of their moose knuckles and camel toes!  I dont have any thing against people who ride bicycles to get where they going. But they  expect me to share the road with them but they dont share it with me.  I dont think they understand the rule of tonnage.  I would never intintionally pull out in front of an 18 wheeler so why would they cut me off!   I always feel like the are trying to run some kinda scam on me.

Ok enough of things that annoy me.   That is a long list of things.  Maybe in future post I will cover more of them.

Every once in a while I get someone in my cab that I find interesting and kinda inspires me.  Last week I picked up a guy at his huge ass house.  He was went downtown to meet with a client who was interested in buying whatever it was he was selling.  A few hours later he called for me to go pick him up.  He was kinda intoxicated when I got him.  On the trip home, he asked me if I knew what seperates succesful people from average people When I said no , he replied that succesful people arent afraid to ask for thing.  I found that interesting because often I catch myself being nervous to ask people especially stangers for anything.

On the other hand, from time to time I pick people up who reminds me how lucky I am.  Portsmouth is often considered a hoity-toity city with all well to do people.  Though on the outside looking in you may think that.  But when you get to the underbelly of the town you find that there are lots of unfortunant souls in the area who have made mistakes in their lives and are paying dearly for it.  Ive watched a lady drink rubbing alcohol.  Ive picked a family at the bus station and brought them to the homeless shelter.  I also brought a woman from the hospital to a local hotel who was telling me her husband had a stroke while working and he may never be his normal again. I could go on and on about some of the people Ive given rides to who were down on their luck. 

By the end of my shifts I have  often went through a whole roller coaster of emotions.  Im exhausted and I just want to go home.  But I love it. It makes me feel alive and often I cant wait for my next shift in my cab!

That Gut Feeling

Well folks I'm out of commission this week.  Hopefully I will be in my cab next weekend.  I had a little surgery on  my clackers and I'm in a lot of pain.  But I know I will be ready for the road soon.

Anyhow I do have a little story.  Because I don't carry a weapon I am always a little nervous about either picking up a fare that will turn violent or getting robbed.  The more senior cab drivers tell me that its a gut feeling you get if something isn't right.  Not to mention my experiences of growing up in Meadowland gives me a 6th sense if some thing is about to go down.

It was really late and the bars have been out for some time.  I decided to take one more trip through downtown and get one last fare before calling it a night.  There was a group of young men stand there with one punk standing in the middle of the road.  He had his hands up yelling for me to stop.  It almost looked as if he wanted to play chicken.  For some reason I stopped.  As he was walking around the cab to the passenger side he was saying something that I couldn't understand but I could tell he was belligerent.  The hairs on my neck stood on end and my stomach started churning.  I had the window down but the door was locked. I asked, "where ya goin buddy."

As he is reaching into my cab to unlock the door, invading my space now he yells out, "I'm going to fuckin Newington!"

At t hat point I had it with that jerk.  He had that door open at that point.  So I yelled back, "then you better start walking, motherfucker!"  As I drove off. 

I heard him yelling and calling me names as I pulled away.  But I really didn't care.  I knew that guy would be trouble so I left him on t he side of the road.  My senior cabbies were right.  You know if there will be trouble with a fare and you should leave those jerks on the side of the road.

White Lies, Flat Tires, and Rubbing Alcohol

I often wonder why when things happen you look back and you can see the chain of events that led to it.  Seems that it is always a string of little things that pile up into a huge pile of stinking crap.  Sometimes you may think something as a little white lie is harmless.  But that little lie can set off bad karma, realign the stars, piss off the almighty god or whatever else you might believe is the reason for things going wrong.  Besides having your own bad juju I think we are affected by others negative energy.

I know... I know... you are wondering why am I talking all this mojo crap.  Last night I experienced a chain of events that led to me changing a flat tire and going in early on what was turning into a very profitable night of cabbing.

It was about 11: 30 PM and I just dropped off a party of six at The Page. ( for my old Navy friends that is where Bananas used to be).  As they were getting out a young man came up to my window and asked if I would take him up to York, Me.  That is about a 45 minute round trip and that would put me out of downtown in the heart of the busy time.  There was no way I was going to do that.  So I lied to him and said that I couldn't do it because I had to pickup  someone else in ten minutes. 

About 20 seconds after I drove off I get dispatched to the Moonlight Reader for some people whose car is broken down and needed to find a hotel.  When I get to where they are I see a van with the rear passenger tire gone.  They apparently drove it on the rim for a while.  There were 2 guys and a girl and they obviously on some mind altering substance.  After about 20 minutes I finally find a hotel that has a room for them and I'm out of there.

As I'm driving away from those three bozos I get another call to go pick up a lady and make the round trip from her home to a convenient store then to her home again.  I pull up and its a small unassuming apartment complex.  After waiting about 3 minutes a frail looking lady comes out and climbs into the front seat.  She seemed nice enough but, my god, she is reeking of Old Spice cologne.  Whatever, different strokes for different folks. 

When I'm backing out of her drive way I hear the load hissing noise of the air escaping my front driver side tire.  The convenient store is only a couple blocks away and I know its well lit so I drive there.  Once there I called my dispatcher, told her of my situation and had another cab to come bring that lady home.

I proceed to go thru the process of changing the flat tire as the lady heads into the store.  Within a few minutes the lady comes out and sits on the curb next to the cab.  She tells me that after midnight the store doesn't sell alcohol beverages anymore.  Suddenly she opens her paper bag and starts guzzling down a huge bottle of rubbing alcohol!  I was mortified to say the least.  Ive heard stories of hard core alcoholics doing that but Ive never witnessed it.  Within what seemed seconds a police officer, fire truck and ambulance shows up and hauls that woman away.

It took me about an hour just to get the spare tire off the bottom of the van and then maybe 5 minutes to change the tire.  By then its nearly 130 AM and I have a stupid "donut" tire on the van.  I'm covered in dirt and I'm sweating like a pig.  I'm really pissed off at the world at that point. My night is done!

Once back at the shop I needed to fill out all the appropriate paper work which put me in an even worse mood.  I just couldn't wait to get home.

In hind sight my night started going to hell right after I lied to that guy about why I couldn't take him to York.  I picked up the trio with their flat tire and there bad Karma latched on to me.  Then I picked up that poor old drunk lady (who I assume wasn't wearing the Old Spice I smelled but instead was drinking it).  I believe my bad aura jumped on her and she ended up in police custody.

The lesson Ive learned was to do my best to keep a positive attitude and never turn down a fare regardless if I'm inconvenienced or not.

The Devil lives in Waterville Maine

Sitting in Market Square in downtown Portsmouth on a slow Sunday afternoon, this young guy get into my cab.   Tells me he needs to go to Somersworth.  We work out a price then we are on our way.  Every thing was pretty standard till he proclaimed to me, " I'm going to rid the world of all evil."

After a full double take, I just looked at him with my jaw dropped and and yelped "what!"

"You may not know this but my name is Micheal and I'm the devils brother."  He explained with out any hesitation.

"Really?"  I asked.  Then I start thinking to myself, why do these wackos seem to find me.

Micheal then proceeded to explain to me, " When God decides to take the world back to not to fear fire.  It will be the cold that I need to stay away from."

"OK that makes sence to me,"  I answer.  My thought is to keep this dude calm so he doesn't kill me.

"I know what the devil looks like, I know his name, and I know where he lives," He explains. " Because I've meet him and Ive been to his house."

"Well whats his name,what does he look like and where does he live I asked."  By this time dude has my full attention and I'm just wondering what the heck he will say next.

He goes on and says " the devil is this black dude and his name is Desmond.  But you cant trust him because he can change himself into a white wolf."

I thought well that's interesting.  Then I asked, "well where does he live?"

"He lives in Waterville Maine" he proclaims.

"Why there?" I ask. "Why not New York or Los Angeles"

"Because that's to obvious."  he tells me.

Then he whispered to me, "Wanna know something else that will blow your mind.  God lives in Waterville Maine too."

By this time I'm getting a little tired of his tales so I ask him " does your family know about this."

He then tells me "That his parents think that he is crazy and should get some help."

I didn't respond because I'm trying to keep him calm.  Then he asked me " do you think I'm crazy?"

"No." I said

By this time we are in Somersworth  and I'm ready to get his ass out of my cab. Then he says to me, "you're a true angel.  When god returns he will reward you." 

He payed the fare and gave me a very generous tip.  Though this kid seemed to be way out in left field, I really wasn't afraid of him.  He seemed to me that he was having some mental issues and I hope he listens to his parents and take care of himself.

Confessions of a part time cabbie

I notice that in my cab people's inhibitions tend to fade away.  Some of my customers talk about things I'm not sure they would in most social settings.  Just last week I experienced a prime example of this.

Last Friday I was cruising downtown and  got flagged down by a gentleman who appeared to be in his mid to late forties. I will call him Slim. He asked " could you take me to Pepboys to pick up my friend then return back down town."

"Yea, no problem.  Get in."

So we got to rollin and he remarked " god damn there are some hot women here in Portsmouth."

I nodded in agreement and said "yea youre right"

"I've been chasing skirts around here for a long time.  All you need to pick up these broads around here is a long line of bull shit and a good wingman." he explaind.

"Well Ive  been out of the game for a long time but back in the day I was the wingman extrodonaire." I added.

"You need to be careful though, if your wingman is to good it could mess you up then suddenly you become the wingman."

At that point I just chalked him up as a bitter, washed up bar fly and the car got quiet.  Then we pull up to Pepboys.  I see his friend standing in the door of the store.  He was a heavy set guy who I will call Big Guy.  He sits in the back seat and those two exchange pleasantries.  Slim says with a complementary tone "hey, you look like you lost more weight!"

Big Guy brags "yea ive lost about 160 pounds"

Slims says "hey thats great, whats your motivation?"

Big Guy explains "Well, its no secret I was eating myself to death.  I was putting on so much wieght it was getting harder for me to do things that were always easier before.  Finding clothes that fit and going to bathroom was getting to be a challenge.  I explained that to my doctor and he gave me a magazine/ catalog catering to people of my stature.  Im looking through this and im seeing some clothes,shoes, and other items.  Then I get to the end of the book and I see that they are selling toilet paper on the stick.  Suddenly I realized that im a cheeseburger away from needing that damn thing."

By this time he has my full attention.  Being the sinsitive guy  that I am, I did feel bad for his situation but it was funny to hear it at the same time.  I didnt mean to chuckle.

I think at this point Slim was feeling a little left out of the conversation.  He says  to Big Guy  "on the way here we were talking about wingmen."

"You dont want to be this assholes wingman!" Big Guy screamed.  "Let me tell you about being his wingman."

"One night we were out. These two beatuful blondes came over and started chatting it up with us.  As time went by one of those lovely ladies seemed to be interested in me.  She was laughing at my jokes, flipping her hair, and rubbing my shoulder as she spoke to me.  Then suddenly this sombitch," pointing at Slim, " ask me, Hey how is your wedding plans going.  Suddenly she stopped laughing. Stopped flipping her hair.  And most importantly stopped touching.  I was so pissed!"

Slim had a sly smile on his face.  "You were supposed to be the wingman he slurred."

Big Guy was just shaking head. 

By this time I was right back where I picked up Slim.  They got out, payed the fare and gave me a nice tip.  I thought to myself, that was interesting.  I wondered if they were having a good time and if Big Guy was still the wingman.  I also wondered how often those two stories are told.  I like to think that the cab is almost like confession for the Catholics.  Often the passenger is in the back seat.  All they see is the back of my head and maybe my eyes in the rearview mirror.

That poor bastard

I got dispatched out to Applebee's for a guy going to the Fairfield Inn.  It was kinda late so I was expecting to pick up a business man who maybe had a little to much to drink.  Another get em in and get em out type of fare.

As I pull into the parking lot I see him standing out in the middle of the road.  He gets in and says "we need to go across the street to pick up my wife."
Across the street is a huge strip mall with a grocery store,K-mart, a couple resturants and a drug store.  So I asked "What store is she in?"

"She is sitting in our broken down car in front of K-mart."

I just kinda nod my head and drive on over there.  As I pull up to the car, she starts getting out.  Suddenly her car alarm goes off.  The guy in my back seat is fishing in his pockets for the keys and the wife is visably agitated.  Finaly the alarm is shut off and the lady is getting in the car.  As she is shutting the door she stops suddenly and whines "Shit, I just dropped my ear ring." 

"Would you like me to get my flashlight and help you find it."  I asked

"Don't worry about it." she said.  "Im more pissed at him than I am about losing my fuckin' earing." she exclaimed as she was pointing at him.

So I started rolling towards the Faifield Inn.  That was the quietest car ride I have ever had the misfortune of being part of.  The tension was thick thicker than molassis.

As I came to a stop in front of the hotel and before I could put the vehicle in park the wife flings open the door and yells at her partner "I'm so annoyed with you right now!"  She scurried into the building without even looking back.  Leaving her poor sap of a husband to pay the fair.

As he is handing over the money;with a decent tip I must add, I say to him " Try to have a good night brother."

He mumble back with a defeated tone to his voice, "Yea right."

I have to that I really felt sorry for this guy.  I have never found out what the argument was about.  Whatever was going on it must have been serious.  But I must confess after almost 12 years of marriage better him than me!

Wanna make out....HUH

Picked up a guy and 2 girls outside a downtown watering hole.  It was well after midnight and the trio were pretty much sloshed.  They get in and the guy asked " what is the weirdest thing you have ever seen in your cab?".
I explained " I have only been driving a couple weeks so I haven't really came across anything really interesting."
Dude shouted giggling " Have you seen any tits in here yet!"
"No, not yet, but im working on it"  I muttered.  (I am a man)
Then one of the girls chimed in, "I wont show you my tits but I will make out with you twice for a free ride."
I then chirped "You think I will come find you tomorrow for the second make out session.Thanks but no thanks. I don't think my wife would appreciate that very much."

Needless to say there was no make out session, no exposed titties , they payed the fare and gave me a nice tip. 
There were no winner and no losers.  They got a ride and I got paid.

OK...its now official.  I'm almost certain that I had my first Pimp and Ho in my cab.

I was dispatched to the local Hannaford grocery store.  I pull up and there is a couple there waiting for me.  They had a plastic bag with a couple cartons of orange juice in it and a paper bag with what I assume is a bottle of Vodka.

They get in the cab and tell me they are going to the Port Inn.  Almost immediately the "gentleman gets on the phone .  I over hear him say, "Hey baby, I got the number you need"
"555-1234"
"Make sure you do a good job."
"You know what to do."
" I really don't care what you charge , but you better bring me $150 bucks."

Very interesting I think to myself!

That was easy!

I'm really surprised by how easy it was to become a cab driver.  One day I decided that I was tired of the little part time job I was working.  So I started searching Craigslist .  I noticed there was an ad for a cab driver for Bluestar Taxi.  I knew they were the largest cab company in town and that the were also owned by the same people who owns Regal  Limosine.

I sent them an E-Mail and was promptly sceduled an interview.  Once I was done with the interview, I filled out the forms for my hack permit and criminal check.  Everything came back clean.  Two weeks later I was given about 2 hours of training.   Then I was swimming with the big fishes.

Well Ive been driving this cab for about a month now.  What can I say....I love it!   Though I havent seen anything real crazy yet, I have came across some interesting people.  My first fare was 4 sailors that worked on a cable laying ship.  I took them to the liqour store, The 5th Wheel (porno shop or butt naked store  as the called it), and the movies.  I have been invited up to a hotel room, an apartment and a couple bars.  Ive taken a couple old ladies to church.  Not to mention all the drunks Ive brought home.  Heck I think Ive even seen a mariage unravel in the back seat.  But through it all I think that it is a great experience and I look forward to my next shift!

New Adventures

Well, I have been driving now for 2 weeks.  I absolutely love it!    Already I have meet some interesting people.  I have been invited to party in a hotel room, and up to a drunk ladies apartment.  I met a gentleman who claimed he spent the evening drinking it up with Chip Kelly(Oregon U. head football coach). 

With that said, I definantly need to learn my way around Portsmouth a whole lot better.  I thought I knew it pretty well.  I know landmarks but I dont know the name of lots of streets.  But I think Im getting better.

Im new at this blogging thing too.  If you happen to be lucky enough to be reading this I promise to get better at this.  I also promise that I will start giving specific stories of what goes on in my cab!

Newbie

Well this is it.  My first post on my new blog!  My name is Robert and I just started my taxi driving career here in Portsmouth NH.  I only drive on Friday night and Sunday afternoon/evening.  It all started when I realized that I was getting tired of my former part time job.  (working in a covenient store) Ive always liked the thought of going somewhere.  Being that im married with two kids I really cant go to far.  So I thought maybe being a cab driver would be the way to go.

This past weekend was my first week on the job.   I love it!  I will do my best to add to this once a week.