I notice that in my cab people's inhibitions tend to fade away. Some of my customers talk about things I'm not sure they would in most social settings. Just last week I experienced a prime example of this.
Last Friday I was cruising downtown and got flagged down by a gentleman who appeared to be in his mid to late forties. I will call him Slim. He asked " could you take me to Pepboys to pick up my friend then return back down town."
"Yea, no problem. Get in."
So we got to rollin and he remarked " god damn there are some hot women here in Portsmouth."
I nodded in agreement and said "yea youre right"
"I've been chasing skirts around here for a long time. All you need to pick up these broads around here is a long line of bull shit and a good wingman." he explaind.
"Well Ive been out of the game for a long time but back in the day I was the wingman extrodonaire." I added.
"You need to be careful though, if your wingman is to good it could mess you up then suddenly you become the wingman."
At that point I just chalked him up as a bitter, washed up bar fly and the car got quiet. Then we pull up to Pepboys. I see his friend standing in the door of the store. He was a heavy set guy who I will call Big Guy. He sits in the back seat and those two exchange pleasantries. Slim says with a complementary tone "hey, you look like you lost more weight!"
Big Guy brags "yea ive lost about 160 pounds"
Slims says "hey thats great, whats your motivation?"
Big Guy explains "Well, its no secret I was eating myself to death. I was putting on so much wieght it was getting harder for me to do things that were always easier before. Finding clothes that fit and going to bathroom was getting to be a challenge. I explained that to my doctor and he gave me a magazine/ catalog catering to people of my stature. Im looking through this and im seeing some clothes,shoes, and other items. Then I get to the end of the book and I see that they are selling toilet paper on the stick. Suddenly I realized that im a cheeseburger away from needing that damn thing."
By this time he has my full attention. Being the sinsitive guy that I am, I did feel bad for his situation but it was funny to hear it at the same time. I didnt mean to chuckle.
I think at this point Slim was feeling a little left out of the conversation. He says to Big Guy "on the way here we were talking about wingmen."
"You dont want to be this assholes wingman!" Big Guy screamed. "Let me tell you about being his wingman."
"One night we were out. These two beatuful blondes came over and started chatting it up with us. As time went by one of those lovely ladies seemed to be interested in me. She was laughing at my jokes, flipping her hair, and rubbing my shoulder as she spoke to me. Then suddenly this sombitch," pointing at Slim, " ask me, Hey how is your wedding plans going. Suddenly she stopped laughing. Stopped flipping her hair. And most importantly stopped touching. I was so pissed!"
Slim had a sly smile on his face. "You were supposed to be the wingman he slurred."
Big Guy was just shaking head.
By this time I was right back where I picked up Slim. They got out, payed the fare and gave me a nice tip. I thought to myself, that was interesting. I wondered if they were having a good time and if Big Guy was still the wingman. I also wondered how often those two stories are told. I like to think that the cab is almost like confession for the Catholics. Often the passenger is in the back seat. All they see is the back of my head and maybe my eyes in the rearview mirror.
No comments:
Post a Comment