Get Out

The best, most profitable night of the year for a cabbie is New Years Eve.  This past New Years Eve was no exception.  I ran non stop and had a very profitable evening.  For the most part it was an evening of constant running.   Before midnight most of the fares were picking people up at their homes and bringing them down town.  After midnight the dispatcher was so busy from people calling from the bars  she shut off the phone and told us drivers just to drive past the bars and give rides to who ever jumped in our cabs.

Sometime after midnight I was cruising past The Page and I see a sweet looking waif standing at the curb flagging me down.  So I pull on over and she comes up to the passenger window and tells me that her and her friends need a ride to Durham.

Durham is a college town about 20 miles away and its right in the middle of the busy time.  The logical part of my brain is telling me that this fare could cost me money and that I shouldn't do it.  The man (AKA Low Down Dirty Dog) part of my brain is telling me that this cutey has friends so I will be going to Durham with a van full of drunk hotties.   Needless to say the man part of my brain wins out so I agree.

The sweetheart turns around to wave in her friends as I push the button to open the automatic doors in the van.  Next thing you know I got a van full of damn Frat boys.  Son of a Bitch!  I just got set up and my mind is reeling.  How will I get out out of this?

Suddenly as I'm shutting the automatic doors two of those douche bags are in each others face yelling obscenities at each other.   I turn around and yell in my best take no shit voice "If you guys don't knock it off I will kick your asses out of my cab!"

The yelling stopped and they apologized.  I put the van in drive and pulled away.  I started the meter and turned around the corner and suddenly they had each other by the throats.  I slammed the brakes and these two dueling dorks came flying to the front of the cab and landed between the front bucket seats.  I opened up the door and yelled "get the fuck out of my cab!"

Then those guys started begging me to give them a ride and they will stop.   By this point I had it and besides I didn't want to go to Durham anyways.  Finally they got the hint and got out with the exception of the little tart that was sitting in the front seat next to me.  At this point I wasn't going to buy into her charms.  She sat there and tried batting her pretty little eyes at me while pleading with me to take them home.  I hated to do it but finally I told her that if she didn't get out the van I was going to call the police and have her removed.  With that she told me to fuck off and got out.  As I was driving off I could see those two original douche bags involved in the sissy slap fight of the century.

Within a second I had my next fare and I proceeded with my evening as if nothing ever happened.  I think I told everyone I had in my cab after that about this incident and we had lots of laughs at their expense.  I hope you; the lucky person reading this, can find humor in this too!